Stories and Inspiration
Read stories from people with lived experience.
The Voices of Recovery
Telling your story is an important part of recovery. Below are stories of people in Iowa who have experienced hardship due to substance use. Their stories and recovery experience may sound familiar, but know that your story is unique. People want to hear your story, and they want to share yours. Join conversation.
Get inspired to tell your story, in your words. So, whether it's starting a new chapter, or picking up where you’ve left off, your story is up to you.
You have the power to say "this is not how my story will end." -Unknown
Veronica
Veronica grew up with parents deeply involved in using and selling substances. Originally from the southwestern United States, her parents had a complicated and violent relationship. When she was still young, they moved to Iowa for her dad’s job. Her parents separated at 12, her dad spending time in and out of jail. She and her sister began drinking around this time, able to feel numb to their experiences. Veronica did what she could to be at home as little as possible, skipping school and staying out late with friends. She dropped out of school in the 9th grade and moved in with a much older boyfriend when she was 14. She eventually moved back in with her mom and tried meth for the first time with her brother at 17. Veronica was instantly addicted and began self-medicating regularly. She spent time in jail and accumulated a lot of traumatic experiences related to her use of meth, pills, alcohol, and marijuana. One of these was a long-term, abusive relationship. She became pregnant with her son and was clean for 5 years before relapsing, using to cope. This cycle continued for her next two children, Veronica feeling lower and lower using more and more. The relationship finally ended when he left, and she was forced to move again back in with her mom. She asked her mom to help her, but caught up in her own use, was unable to. This led to a great deal of conflict between the two, culminating in an argument between Veronica and her mom which her eldest son tried to intervene in. In doing so he was injured, and DHS was notified when he received medical care. Preparing for her case, she came clean about her use and asked for help. She worked to find an inpatient treatment center that would allow her children to stay with her. During treatment and after, Veronica feels DHS was an important component for her success. Now in her mid 30s, Veronica credits DHS with much of the support she needed to get sober and improve her and her children’s lives. From this starting point, Veronica took every opportunity she saw come her way and sought out what she knew she wanted.
“DHS, Department of Human Services was also involved because of the incident obviously and they were helping me as well. I got into family treatment court. That was another plan that helped me as well. I don’t know if you guys know about family treatment court. Awesome. But I went in there completely opened. I didn’t want to go against the cur, you know, the currents. I didn’t wanna go against anything. I wanted to go with it. I wanted to take me where it should take me. And sure enough I bridged successfully…and then I continue with family treatment court and bridge there successfully as well. And I continued to go through therapy. And actually, I go to therapy. I still go to therapy. But along with those changes my life changed. I started to build my credit because I messed up my credit a lot. I started to build up myself and my kids...I became a counselor, a substance abuse counselor, uh, to help women like me. I worked on that. I went back to school You know, um, I pushed the man that had cost me so much pain away. And I did not allow him to come back in for a very, very long time. You know, um, if he wanted to see his kids it took a, it took some time, you know. He worked. He, he, he worked for it. He changed as well.”
She graduated treatment and quickly accomplished many of the things she felt she was afraid to while using.
“It all happened so quick actually. Within the two months I was done graduating for GED, I had gotten my license, you know, and I was on my way to work for the college, you know, and all kinds of stuff. But they helped me. Housing helped me to find out about some assistance programs that helped me with my license. And so, it all kinda just went in like a little chain. Yeah. So, that was, that was health, very help, so I got my license now. I had never had a license… So, I’m happy that I’m in a better place. I’m working into buying my house pretty soon here. I’ve been working at night for a couple of years, but I think we're getting pretty close, so. Which for me is a big deal because coming from a family who's never owned a house in their lives, I wanted to be able to do that for my kids”
Now Veronica hopes to continue the success she has had, building on what she has already accomplished in the next 5 years.
“Hopefully by that time I’m transitioning into a new therapist job. Hopefully. I don’t like to front, but yes. And I hope to see my kid graduate. He seems to do great in school so far. I think he's doing well. For a teenager he's not bad at all…I see my other kids being successful as well. And so, you know, I, I see good. I don’t know where will I be. I don’t like to look at it that way, but I think that I, I want to reach my goal. That's where I see myself, reaching my goal, and by that time hopefully I would finally be my own, owner of my own home, and that's where I see at the moment for that….I got this feedback when I used to go to AA meetings and they used to say, "You always wanna leave the door cracked, but you don’t wanna leave it open." And what that means is like, you wanna look back, but you don’t wanna stay there, you know so what motivates me is the memory of how hard I worked to get where I’m getting at right now”
Nick
Nick was raised by his father and stepmother in Iowa. His mother was in and out of his life, battling her own addiction. His father used alcohol and his life at home was often violent and unhappy. Never feeling like he fit in, Nick began acting out at 13 and 14, using marijuana then other substances to alleviate the unhappiness he felt. After high school, he joined the Navy for a brief time before heading to college. Here he and his roommate further experimented with substances, mushrooms and eventually meth, he soon dropped out. Nick moved back home and worked a number of jobs he enjoyed, but upon breaking up with his long term girlfriend, he felt alone and didn’t know how to take care of himself. He cycled through periods of homelessness, periods of recovery, and intensified use of heroin, meth, alcohol, and other substances. Nick, now in recovery, knows his physical and mental health are a priority in him being sober and being happy. After a few stays in a psychiatric facility and feeling like he was existing at rock bottom, Nick entered treatment. In recovery, he is prioritizing these, as well as utilizing AA and NA.
“Forty-three days ago I went to treatment. I’ve been to treatment about six times, but this time was different, um…and not only have I been clean, but I really just been working on myself. I’m going to see a therapist. I’m going, I have an IHH worker for my, my mental health and my disability. I’m going, I do a ton of meetings. I’m really involved in twelve step program… but like tonight I’m gonna go to celebrate recovery, which is like, uh, recovery based kinda church service. I don’t have a sponsor. I go to like events. We went to a cookout last weekend, um, a few days ago. I’m friends with people in AA and NA, and. It's pretty much my whole life, you know”
Utilizing suboxone and staying in a sober living facility is providing Nick with accountability and help he needs to maintain the success he has had thus far in recovery. 43 days in, he is excited for the future and confident in his ability to accomplish his goals.
“I hope to have five years clean and be sponsoring guys in AA and NA. I wanna help people. I wanna be at tech college or be finished with it…Do the IT thing or something…I wanna have like, I wanna nice home, you know. I wanna be able to live and not have to ride the bus. I wanna have a vehicle and a license by then again for sure, um. Be independent”
Only in his mid-40s, he feels capable of making the rest of his life the way he wishes, helping others and sharing his own story.
“I have a sad story, but. I mean if I go back out there and use, I mean that's, that's what I have to look forward to is more of that. And I, I don't, I, you know, I'm really happy and positive right now, but my life has been kind of a shit storm, but, uh. It's kinda why I wanted to come here today. I wanted to, you know, share that anybody, nobody what you've been through, you know, I'm doing this. Like, I, nothing is going to stop me. And I know I'm gonna do it.”
Melissa
Melissa was raised by her grandparents. The only one of her siblings they raised, she had a lot of freedom as she grew up. She started using marijuana at 14 and drinking at 15. She graduated high school early and was a CNA as she started at a community college. However, she dropped out after her first semester and moved back to her hometown. She lived with a roommate who one night offered her meth. She took it and says she woke up a full-blown addict. She now feels a great deal of remorse for missing her grandfathers’ illness and passing, along with her nephews. Confronted by friends and family about stealing pills and missing events, Melissa felt alone and misunderstood. Especially when in an abusive, unhealthy relationship, found out she was pregnant. She quit using until about 8 months after her daughter was born. Her partner went to jail for a period, after which they went through a 30-day treatment. They soon relapsed however, and Melissa left him. Living in homeless shelters, using marijuana and meth heavily, she became involved with DHS and with law enforcement. Her daughter was placed with her aunt and uncle, while Melissa was put on probation for drug charges. She cycled through three treatment centers before being given the opportunity to attend long-term inpatient treatment. She spent 11 months there, eventually reuniting with her daughter. Now in her late 20s, she lives in an apartment and having been sober for 2 years, is learning to take accountability for her own actions and take pride in the accomplishments she has had.
“Actually next month on the twentieth is two years that I've been sober. Well, it's actually the twenty-first. I don't know...So life has been a complete, one-eighty, I've got my license back, I've got a car, I'm fully self-sufficient… I still go to NA meetings, it's not as often as I'd like to but I mean, it's every couple of weeks, I go and I had DHS knock on my door over somebody smelled marijuana in my hallway, in my apartment. And they came in and I opened the door, I let them in, they assessed the situation, made me drop for them and they were like: "This house, this household is cool, yeah, there's no more resources needed here." So that was really cool to like: "Come on in, do you know what I mean, there's nothing going on here. You want to come see my apartment, come see my apartment." So that was not like anything that I want to go through but it was nice just knowing, you can't take my kid. Cause I haven't done anything wrong
Another important element for Melissa in recovery is spirituality.
“I do the whole meditation thing, it's like to be here now, I have it on my arm. So, it's just learning to be in the present and instead of worrying about everything I've done wrong, worried about everything that could go wrong… I go to community health, they've got like meditation classes there, and I go to the Zen Center and do meditations there…I go to Reiki classes, so it's just like learning to just be more here and be here now and like I've got a couple different, I don't like the witchcraft part of it. I like the more universal side of it so I've got crystals at home. I've got crystals in my purse I’m not gonna lie, my daughter plays with crystals. We meditate, we hold on, we feel them, we just talk a lot more about the things we're feeling, rather than the things we believe in”
What gives Melissa hope for her future is what she has overcome. Melissa’s support system largely stems from her boss, as well as a few friends who have reentered her life. Her relationship with her family is more complicated but she is working to earn back trust and help from her grandma and her siblings, who have no experience with use. Feeling largely on her own in recovery and in a new place, her optimism comes from her daughter, the confidence she has in herself to be able to overcome everything.
“If I could get out of that lifestyle like in the way that I did, there's nothing that I can't do. It's really about manifesting your reality, your intentions and knowing what you want. Out of the next week, out of the next day, five years is just too much, too far out for me to think honestly. So I don't know if I want to stay in this town. I don't know if I want to stay in this county. I thought about going to another city. It's just, I've got to learn to be ok with me, first”
Peter
Peter, 35, grew up with a single mother who was later diagnosed with bipolar disorder, complicating his and his sister’s childhoods. He smoked a great deal of marijuana starting and in 8th grade and all through high school. He struggled to find friends and often used with the ones he had to mask or relieve some of the shyness and anxiety he felt. After graduating high school, he got a job. He and his partner worked and had their two children as Peter attended school at night. He then worked in social services and for DHS for a period, before being laid off due to the budget cuts. After a bit of unemployment, Peter got a job in a factory, where his substance use eventually began. Working long, grueling hours, using pills, marijuana, and eventually meth was a part of the culture and let Peter be able to work overnight while making time for his family during the day and relieve the physical demands of his job.
“I mean like we were working some days seven days a week. You know. I also started get like... resin burns on my arms from workin’ there. You know. So that's when the...I don't know, the whole pain pill thing hurt, you know. And then you wouldn't notice them or anything and if you're high on Methamphetamine then you definitely didn't notice them…Like my boss. You know. It wasn't...you know, we had two UAs a year. You knew one came in January and you knew one came in July. You make sure you're clean then or whatever. But no, I mean, people were...I saw people smoke pot and mainly drink a lot, you know, in the field or whatever. That made...so that made it...me think that maybe it was okay. You know. If they're doin’ it, and they're doin’ it, and look look at them, I mean, like she's making double my salary.”
After about two or three years, he and his partner’s brother-in-law were using together, which created friction, as did the listing of his OWI charges in the newspaper. A large factor in his decision to get clean was his mental health, as anxiety was something he has struggled with for most of his life. Having gotten help with this has enabled him to form better relationships and find support for recovery and mental health in his sobriety.
“I know a lot of people from, like I work here in town. I know a lot of people from work. Like I said, I coached my kid's Little League and football league. I know a lot of people from there. My a, girlfriend's a school teacher so of course I know a lot of people associated with the whole school thing… I go to NA meetings ever Friday night at seven. So, I know people there too. I'm not looking and I...I'm not anti-social or nothing but I'm very careful…being a male and like you know in a society that like you know men, there's a persona. You know, men are tough guys you know. They can handle anything, you know, whatever. And ah finally just swallowing that pride and goin you know and gettin my mental health in check…I went up there to get my mental health thing taken care...you know what I mean. Like, I knew what I had to do.”
In 5 years, Peter hopes to be able to have more meaning and security in his life, as he looks forward to all that he will experience.
“I want to be more family oriented, putting my family. My son will be almost graduating from high school. You know. And there's a point in time in my life whereah I didn't even know if I would make that. So, you know, I definitely want to be around to see that. My daughter will be ten. Like I said, I still got, I still got to be on this earth for a little while longer, you know, if I want to see the things I want to see…yeah, I just want to be more connected. Have more meaningful relationships with people. You know. And church...I mean I, I, we've, I, I've so seriously talked about church. You know. And like that's somethin that I mean there's one right up here. And one Sunday I just might walk right in there you know and be like, Hey I'm right here.”
Peter is, for now, content working to build back his relationship with his partner, taking care of his 5 year old daughter and 13 year old son. He has a job he enjoys and has an interest in furthering his education farther down the line.
“Ah, yeah, been clean, um, God. I graduated from community treatment, July 15th and so I've been clean up until now. I have a sponsor here. I go to NA meetings every Friday night. I work at a plastics, I work at a plastics place here. Factory job. Love it, you know. Maybe once my daughter gets to, you know, older, I might go pursue a master’s degree in Psychology but for right now, I just kinda like workin the factory stuff, you know. It's pretty easy, you know. People are pretty mellow”
Cornelius
Cornelius grew up in a large close-knit family in Iowa. His parents divorced, he had a good relationship with them and his two older brothers. When he was around 13, though things changed. His uncle died and Cornelius began to use alcohol and marijuana as a kind of escape, a feeling which he was instantly hooked to. He began stealing and acting out even more and by the time he was 16, his parents felt they could handle no more. He was placed in an independent living facility as he was too old for foster care. Cornelius says his parents tried to help, but he couldn’t change, stuck in the wrong mindset. He used heroin, cocaine, LSD, and meth for many years. His partner expecting their son, Cornelius planned to stop, but couldn’t. He was in and out of his son’s life, eventually landing in a meeting, part of a twelve-step program. He was sober for a period of time before a medical emergency landed him in the hospital where he was treated with morphine. He dove back into substance use hard. Then, one day he was pulled over and in what he feels was a divine intervention was let go. He resumed attending the twelve-step program, as well as treatment and half-way houses. He was successful in his recovery for 14 years during which time he and his partner divorced, and he raised his son as a single father. He relapsed when he lost the job he had had for 10 years, and found the substances he left behind changed since he last used them. Friends he had made through programs and in his community helped push him to go back to treatment. Now in his late 50s, Cornelius has been clean for 2 years and works to find purpose and fulfillment from within. Though comfortable being alone, he knows he isn’t thanks to the community he has found in his twelve-step program. He has also been fortunate to find people who support him and who can help him find work he is passionate about again.
“I find this guy in a treatment center right. And I'm talking with him and I get him sold on this thing that we do, right. And he gets well. He's been sober now four years. And the guy can do anything. He's my boss. And so, he's possibly talking to me about starting a business and doing this stuff and getting paid contractor wages rather than hourly wage. And I'm like, let's do it man. ‘Cause he's brought me on some jobs, and he sees some potential and um, he's willing to partner up with me. It's like, wow. You know what I mean? And so, that'd be nice. It's more of a dream, I don't know if it's a goal. ‘Cause I wouldn't be able to do that on my own…so I want to learn as much as I can from that guy in this industry. And he's teaching me how to do it right. Worked on an HVAC units, AC units, furnaces, stuff like that. Stoves, refrigerators, and all that. So, I just want to expand upon that. And yeah, it'd be nice to make a bunch of money”
This is the kind of help Cornelius once didn’t believe he could find, opportunities he thought were closed to him. He’s also felt fortunate to find connections when looking for housing too.
“Well they don't let felonies into this trailer park. You know, and I was honest with em…So, I meet up with him and I'm talking with him and he's showing me, this is the third trailer that I've bought. And so, um we're looking at this brand new one, he showed us this brand new one. I'm like, what's the catch here dude? You know what I mean? Because people aren't even renting apartments to us. And it was right outside of that treatment facility. And we're having this conversation in the driveway there and I'm looking over at that place. I remember distinctly looking out that window. I'm talking with this guy and I'm thinking, what's going on here? And he looks at me and he's like well I see you have a bit of a history. Generally, I try to stay anonymous with that stuff. And um, and so I was talking to him. He's like, well how in-depth with this stuff are you? And I was telling him, well I try to help people. I come over here once a week and try to help those people. And he just kind of lit up. And he's like, you know. He's like, I'm a member too. I've been a member for twenty years. You want to go sign the paperwork? And I was just like, how does this happen? You know what I mean? So, I've had some events happen like that. It's just amazing”
With his son off to college and Cornelius entering a new phase of life, he has found fun in playing guitars from the collection he has created over time. He also enjoys driving around in his jeep, spending time with his partner, all the while holding himself accountable for his actions and for his future.
“I've had huge awakenings throughout all that, but you know. it won't keep me sober tomorrow though if I self-destruct and don't rely on that stuff. Whatever that practice is, you know. What they taught me is I've got to personalize it… I've always wanted a jeep and it's like, I'm doing that now man. And so, ah, what I want to do in five years then is ah save up some money and I want to go to ah the pyramids down in Peru. I want to go down to Sedona, Arizona. I want to go explore some spots like that of ah what some people call the earth chakras.”
Kelli
Kelli, now 50, grew up one of five sisters in a middle-class family in Iowa. She began using alcohol and marijuana at 14, trying to fit in and make friends, eventually using and selling cocaine and acid. Despite skipping school frequently due to substance use and sales, she graduated. By this time, Kelli had also met the man that she would marry and become pregnant with her daughter. She went to a community college for two years, using less than she had in a long time due to wanting to be present for her daughter. Kelli then cycled through jobs and chosen substances. It wasn’t until her and her partner separated and reunited, and they had had their second child that he introduced her to a new substance: meth. Meth became the most difficult drug to quit, but for a long time Kelli felt like she didn’t need to. She felt she was able to balance her use and family life. Looking back, she sees how much it changed her kid’s lives. A pattern emerged of moving, getting a new job, starting over. Feeling like she had sold her soul, Kelli used meth for 10 years. When a drug task force showed up with a warrant, that Kelli took the opportunity she had to quit for good. She credits that intervention with saving her life. While she searched for an open bed in treatment centers, she attended Narcotics Anonymous meetings. She credits this organization with much of what has enabled her to have 16 years clean:
“I found my home in Narcotics Anonymous. Like that's where I felt like I belonged…I had to find something where I felt accepted. And I felt that I could be honest, and then I felt that I could be open. And today I, um, I’m a member of Narcotics Anonymous….it's just, I think that the whole, um, for me like…AA's been around forever NA, not super long…It's just growing. But like I went to the world convention last year in Florida and there's like twenty-six thousand people. It was phenomenal like to think. And it's just the energy level and. That's the kind of stuff I do for my recovery. I go to women's retreats. Like I really like, I have to do that. I have to keep growing and. What I do today will not keep me clean tomorrow, and I have to remember that, that I have to try something different”
In sobriety, Kelli has gone back to school, receiving a bachelor’s degree in management. She has also bought a house and developed good relationships with her family members, who have supported her throughout recovery. While she worries about her now adult children falling into the same lifestyle she once had, she is optimistic in her ability to help them and educate them. In five years Kelli hopes to continue giving back through local anonymous programs.
“Honestly in five years I’m hoping to…as far as like my recovery goes, I wanna be able to keep giving back like I’m giving back now because without it, like, like I said, I’d be dead. I just know I would be. And I wanna be able to help those people come in and get better. Because the more people that we can get off the streets and get in recovery…the better our communities are and the stronger our fellowship is, the better we can help people… just think that I have faith that…everything's gonna work out, like that God's got me. Like I never really had that before. And I feel like it's because of the twelve steps and because we're working them. And knowing that I can get through anything and that somebody else has already been through it… And that's the same way that I can help somebody else through something that I've been through, because I did it clean. So, that's what gives me hope.”