Cornelius
Cornelius grew up in a large, close-knit family in Iowa. His parents were divorced, and he had a good relationship with them and his two older brothers.
When Cornelius was about 13, however, things changed. His uncle died, and Cornelius began to use alcohol and marijuana as a kind of escape, a feeling which he was instantly hooked to. He began stealing and acting out even more, and by the time he was 16, his parents felt they could handle no more.
Too old for foster care, Cornelius was placed in an independent living facility. He says his parents tried to help, but he couldn’t change, stuck in the wrong mindset. He used heroin, cocaine, LSD, and meth for many years.
Once his partner was expecting their son, Cornelius planned to stop, but he couldn’t. He was in and out of his son’s life, eventually landing in a meeting, part of a twelve-step program. He was sober for a period before a medical emergency landed him in the hospital where he was treated with morphine. He dove back into substance use hard.
One day he was pulled over and, in what he feels was a divine intervention, was let go. He resumed attending the twelve-step program, as well as treatment and half-way houses. He was successful in his recovery for 14 years, during which time he and his partner divorced, and he raised his son as a single father.
Backed up by his community
Cornelius relapsed when he lost the job he had had for 10 years and found the substances he had left behind had changed since he last used them. Friends he had made through programs and in his community helped push him to go back to treatment.
Now in his late fifties, Cornelius has been clean for two years and works to find purpose and fulfillment from within. Though comfortable being alone, he knows he isn’t, thanks to the community he has found in his twelve-step program. He has also been fortunate to find people who support him and who can help him find work he is passionate about again.
“I find this guy in a treatment center, right. And I'm talking with him, and I get him sold on this thing that we do, right. And he gets well. He's been sober now four years. And the guy can do anything. He's my boss. And so, he's possibly talking to me about starting a business and doing this stuff and getting paid contractor wages rather than hourly wage. And I'm like, let's do it, man. ‘Cause he's brought me on some jobs, and he sees some potential, and, um, he's willing to partner up with me. It's like, wow. You know what I mean? And so, that'd be nice. It's more of a dream, I don't know if it's a goal. ‘Cause I wouldn't be able to do that on my own…so I want to learn as much as I can from that guy in this industry. And he's teaching me how to do it right. Worked on an HVAC units, AC units, furnaces, stuff like that. Stoves, refrigerators, and all that. So, I just want to expand upon that. And yeah, it'd be nice to make a bunch of money.”
This is the kind of help Cornelius once didn’t believe he could find, opportunities he thought were closed to him.
He’s also felt fortunate to find connections when looking for housing.
“Well, they don't let felonies into this trailer park, you know, and I was honest with ‘em…So, I meet up with him and I'm talking with him and he's showing me, this is the third trailer that I've bought. And so, um, we're looking at this brand new one, he showed us this brand new one. I'm like, what's the catch here dude? You know what I mean? Because people aren't even renting apartments to us. And it was right outside of that treatment facility. And we're having this conversation in the driveway there, and I'm looking over at that place. I remember distinctly looking out that window. I'm talking with this guy and I'm thinking, what's going on here? And he looks at me and he's like, well, I see you have a bit of a history. Generally, I try to stay anonymous with that stuff. And, um, and so I was talking to him. He's like, well, how in-depth with this stuff are you? And I was telling him, well, I try to help people. I come over here once a week and try to help those people. And he just kind of lit up. And he's like, you know, he's like, I'm a member, too. I've been a member for twenty years. You want to go sign the paperwork? And I was just like, how does this happen? You know what I mean? So, I've had some events happen like that. It's just amazing.”
“I’ve got to personalize it”
With his son off to college and Cornelius entering a new phase of life, he finds fun in playing guitars from the collection he has created over time. He also enjoys driving around in his Jeep and spending time with his partner, all the while holding himself accountable for his actions and for his future.
“I've had huge awakenings throughout all that, but, you know, it won't keep me sober tomorrow, though, if I self-destruct and don't rely on that stuff. Whatever that practice is, you know. What they taught me is I've got to personalize it... I've always wanted a Jeep and it's like, I'm doing that now, man. And so, ah, what I want to do in five years then is, ah, save up some money, and I want to go to, ah, the pyramids down in Peru. I want to go down to Sedona, Arizona. I want to go explore some spots like that of, ah, what some people call the ‘earth chakras.’”